The Ex-Boyfriends' Island
More from our favorite "Bitch Boundary" Wonder Woman... Same as before - my comments in yellow. The sad part is she used to consider ME the wilder person in the group... I feel so old! lol (if you haven't read T.W.'s first blog post, check it out:

~S. M. 

  So I met this guy at the bar one weekend- no need to point out the obvious. :) Anyway, we hung out and played pool for most of the night, and had a pretty good time.  By a pretty good time I mean he was buying me drinks and he got cuter by the beer. (I thought this only pertained to guys lol) He asked for my number before he left, and I gave it to him; immediately he swooped in for a kiss...right as they busted the lights on. I don't know about you, but when they turn the lights on at a bar I feel like scurrying away like a cockroach.  (ROTF) I don't know, it was just awkward, even for drunk T.W. And that's saying something. I really should be more selective with giving out my phone number-and making out at the bar. (Ya think?) 

   Anyway, he ended up calling the next day, (texting actually), and we set up a time to meet up for a real date.  First we met up at a bar (I was ok with that), and had a few drinks.  Let me say that he was NOT as cute as I remembered.  He kinda looked like a Down Syndrome version of his barself, and I mean that in the most politically correct way.  (Our viewership just dropped, thanks. lol) He had just come from work, which I jokingly guessed as Red Lobster because he smelled like fish.  Um... I'm a really good guesser. *sigh* I should mention that I HATE seafood, and my love for The Little Mermaid is to blame.  (This is also true - we've been arguing over where to eat for years) He looked older than I remember, so I asked his age. He was 30. Sooo, okay... I'm okay with someone being 30 and working at Red Lobster. Who am I to judge, right? 

   We have a couple drinks, and are talking, and I'm kind of waiting for him to say we can go eat dinner.  I'm on an empty stomach, but he doesn't say anything about food... So what do I do? I start slamming beers
so I can get past the smell of fish.  I have a tendency to talk about food when I'm hungry, and somehow we got to talking about chocolate.  He knew this awesome chocolate-wine shop so we decided to head over there.  I'm assuming he must have cashed in on his employee meal that day, because no matter how many hints I dropped about wanting dinner, he didn't pick up on it.  

This isn't T.W. But it might as well be haha
      Quick (pertinent) note: I'm not one to ride with someone on a first date for safety reasons, but he just invites himself to ride with me before I even had a chance to object.  By this point I've slammed like 5 beers, (drinking and driving is bad and I don't condone it) (*sigh* NEITHER DO I)and just go with it. 

   So we go to the chocolate shop; of course they have liquor. What else is a girl to do but take a couple shots and wash it down with a chocolate covered strawberry - I was trying to give off the classy but likes to party vibe.  
(You took the words right out of my mouth... wait, mine was"skank" lol) By now I'm STARVING, and drunk, and wishing I wasn't, and my stomach is churning... 

   I say I need to get going after I decided to take an emergency trip to the drive thru before things got violent, and 
(oh so intelligently) offer to drive him back to the bar we met at so he can get his car.  It got even better at this point: he asks to get dropped off at a different bar, one where his friend is, because he isn't " currently allowed to drive".  He said in a couple weeks he would be allowed to drive to and from work.... haha I assume this is because of a DUI...but again, who am I to judge?  (I'm kind of embarrassed we're posting this... you are the WORST role model lol) I offer to drive him home because he said he lived fairly close.  Well when he told me specifically where he lived, I realized this is a newer, fairly expensive subdivision.  How does a 30 year old man who works at Red Lobster afford to live there?  My guess is he doesn't.  So this (NOT CUTE) dude is 30, works at Red Lobster, can't drive because of a DUI, and lives at home with his parents.  (What? He sounds like a winner to me! *snickers*)

How did this date end?  Make out session in my car of course, because that's how I roll after slamming beers and shots on an empty stomach. (God. This dates is so much more depressing in retrospect.) Luckily, I'm traveling overseas for a few weeks on short notice for my job, which happens frequently and tends to be my out.  I really need to break this habit: bad date with a loser, make out, go overseas.   


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